Dharma Crumbs

Blank Screen

i’ve been sitting here, looking at this blank screen repayment for a hardly good long moments…also chewing on my hangnails…fervently. it really is easier to write in the morning or the evening…right after or just before bed. it discretion be a relief to be undergoing the internet at home very soon. it make also be a abatement to get a paycheck on friday. i don’t like getting paid before you can turn around a month. i don’t like having to on my affluent. i hold on too tight. ’tis the norm for me…in everything. i have been overwhelmed, as of late, with confusion, terror, loneliness, peace, productivity, and the occasional spark of power. i spent the weekend in the sun…in a hammock…at someone else’s house in the faraway land of collierville. i spent the weekend loving the people everywhere me…but hiding away…engaged exclusive of myself. and no…i’m not coming out. i must these terrifying moments of desperation…of the ineptness to sit stillness and to let things sink in…to discharge the reality of what must be done affect me…in preference to, i’m looking for an out…a upset in hopes that it dominion make things easier. i feel like i am not allowed to be myself…for the moment…even with myself. i am a sleepwalker in my own dreams. i am screaming inside…senseless ideas and stupid thoughts. the life two years seem surreal to me. i cannot contemplate the coming…i am torn between desperately inferior the worn out future and wondering every once in a while justifiable what the new coming mightiness hold. i do not feel very strong. there are times when i feel like i have a gaping, bleeding hole inside of me. the estimation of letting go of…not just the former times…but my unquenchable thirst for insights into the prospective…is exhausting.

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This entry was posted on Friday, June 27th, 2008 at 4:12 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.